On breastfeeding...

I just finished reading an interesting book:  Unbuttoned: Women Open Up About the Pleasures, Pains and Politics of Breastfeeding edited by Maureen Connolly and Dana Sullivan.  Well, I suppose "interesting" is all a matter of perspective, but given that with any luck this is about to become my world all over again, I am definitely interested.  The stories in the book were entertaining and heartbreaking, and most of them resonated with me in some way.  One of the reviews in the link mentions that the women all come from very similar backgrounds, therefore making many of the stories and perspectives very similar.  It would have been nice to see a broader cross-section of society, but I suppose being a good/successful writer was one of the criteria for picking the contributors.  Anyhoo...it got me thinking again about my own feelings about breastfeeding.

Even after nursing Avery for about 8 months, and having it all go fairly successfully (except for the first two weeks when I didn't think I could do it one more time, every time), I am still pretty ambivalent about the whole scenario.  I fully understand all of the positive reasons for doing it, and agree with them, and that is why I definitely plan to breastfeed #2 as well.  But I never got to a point where I "enjoyed" it, the way some mothers seem to.  I definitely appreciated the convenience at times, but I also really resented being on the hook all the time, especially in the beginning.  Of course knowing what to expect should help me manage the frustrations (and discomfort) this time around, and hopefully it will be a more enjoyable experience. But I have to say, I get why some families just choose to bottle-feed, even in the absense of any nursing difficulties.  And my honest opinion is that all other things being equal, i.e. the baby has access to loving parent(s), good parenting, decent healthcare, etc., that there won't be much of a difference between a breastfed or formula-fed baby growing up.  Science may not completely agree with me, but that is my instinct.  I also hate that women feel guilty, or are made to feel guilty, about formula-feeding their children.  I think a happier, less-stressed, more relaxed mom/parent goes a long way towards the well-being of a baby than almost anything else.

I have also noticed that Avery has only recently started to turn to Greg for comforting (probably when she got to be about 18-20 months), and I believe that is because she was always just more used to me comforting her one way or another when she was younger, and in large part through nursing.  They just didn't develop the same kind of bond in the early days, because he wasn't a big part of her feeding and I simply spent more time with her, nursing her, holding her, rocking her, etc.  I am glad that she and I have that bond of course, but I wish it hadn't taken her so long to bond with Greg as well; at least things are better now.

The concept of nursing in public is still one that I personally have trouble with.  I really didn't do it very much last time around - with the exception of when I was in Switzerland with Avery and my mom last fall (Avery was 6 months).  There I nursed all around the country! (It is pretty small, but still...)  I'm not sure if it was the anonymity, or the fact that I had to do it if I wanted us to be able to get out and do stuff, but I don't think it was because their society is way more tolerant of public nursing, being European and all.  I still felt as though I was getting a lot of stares at times. I hope to be less self-conscious about the whole thing this time, and again, that probably comes with knowing what to expect and being more relaxed about it in general.  But even today, I saw a woman nursing her maybe 8-month old baby at Starbucks, and I did a mental double-take.  I was wondering if I will be nursing a baby at Starbucks one of these days...given how much time I spend there, I am pretty sure I never did last time around!

Anyway, for anyone who is aghast at me saying all of these heretical things, I absolutely will make every effort to nurse kid #2 as well. But I bet I will always feel a little conflicted about the whole thing...